Ellen Page and Drew Barrymore do lesbian kissing in Marie Claire magazine October 2009

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After a long intro confirming both her stoner-film creds and her susceptibility to Mary-Kate Olsen’s fashion influence, a new profile of actress Olivia Thirlby eventually got to the real news: Jack and Diane, Thirlby’s long-gestating teen-lesbian-werewolf reunion with her Juno pal Ellen Page, will not be coming soon to a theater near you. We know, we know — a true shocker, but as Thirlby alludes, it’s the kind of tough call that a young, sexually ambiguous Oscar-nominee just has to make:

“I mean, it’s half-animated and nonlinear and Ellen’s in a very high place right now and there’s just too much focus on her and her career for her to be able to go off and do some super-experimental flick.”

This is clearly a matter of dues-paying for both women — particularly for the non-conformist Page, whose “one for Ratner, one nonlinear girl-girl monster drama for me” is proving a tougher road to hoe than even her image-shaping, power-lesbian flack/Oscar date may have anticipated months ago. All we can recommend is for the ladies as the Jack and Diane window closes is to keep fighting the good fight; considering Thirlby’s admitted luck with pot comedies, the film may be just one super-experimentally drug-dealing-werewolf subplot away from the green light they’ve so desperately awaited.

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Welcome to Ellen Page Dump-and-Run Week, when even today’s news that America’s ambiguously-persuasioned sweetheart is attached to star in yet another adaptation of Jane Eyre is slightly overshadowed by the two “new” Page releases you may not have known to look for. Like An American Crime? You know this one? No? Page stars as Sylvia Likens, the Indianapolis teen who was beaten, tortured and murdered by her caretaker (played by Catherine Keener) in one of the most notorious homicides in American history. We saw it at the Sundance Film Festival in 2007, when someone reportedly passed out at the premiere — probably the producer who realized his high-caliber drama (starring two Oscar nominees!) was headed straight to Showtime oblivion this Saturday at 10 p.m. We feel him, but that’s not the half of it.

A day earlier on May 9, Page’s other hibernating indie, The Tracey Fragments, arrives on-screen and under the radar in limited release. We’re checking it out in the next few days, but we’ve heard mixed things about the story of a runaway (Page) looking for her brother — in split-screen! Really! It’s amazing, then, that we should hear Page is now dialed in as the title character in the umpteenth adaptation of Charlotte Bronte’s 1847 novel Jane Eyre, which Miramax is rumored to be hopping aboard alongside BBC Films. No director is yet attached. Meanwhile, the thriller Peacock — Page’s first new film since Juno’s Oscar run — starts shooting this month in Des Moines. From here on out, it’s nothing but the best. Seriously. We think.

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The people at SNL were quick with the pens and Ellen Page had no problems mocking all the lesbian stories that were written about her last week. You need to watch this sketch quickly because the people at NBC are not known for their love of YouTube and so it won’t be long before it is down. Ellen Page is hilarious.

As I wrote the above sentence, NBC took it down already. They refuse to post it on their website, so you will have to make do with this Ellen Page digital short which is funny, but not as funny as the other clip. Damn suits.

Ellen trying not to be noticed.

Michael Musto spent most of his column basically outing Ellen Page. You can read the column here. Look, I really like Michael Musto. I think he is funny and witty and a much better writer than I ever could hope to be, but I think that just because she never has had a boyfriend that she has publicly spoken about makes her gay. She has only been in the public eye for a very short time and so to have every question answered about her already seems kind of unfair. Let her get some time spent in Hollywood first, then you can go ahead and do this. Hell, I love playing the Is So And So Gay? game, but for some reason it just feels wrong to do it to someone who hasn’t been in town long enough to know how the game is played.

Musto even quotes a website which he doesn’t name as saying Ellen is an out lesbian. Fine, if she is, then I am sure she will talk about it, but until then, give her some time. You know I love snark and skewering people, but for some reason this time it just doesn’t seem right. I enjoy snark and skewering celebrities when they deserve it for something they have done, not just for the sake of doing it. What makes Ellen Page different from say Ryan or Hayden is both of them hold themselves out to be straight. Fine, maybe they are, but if they are not, then they are lying to the public. Ellen Page hasn’t done that, and doesn’t really deserve the tag that will now follow her forever whether it is true or not.

 

I really thought she was going to wear a tiny suit and tie.

Ellen Page at the 11th Annual Impact Awards Gala