(source)

There are so many things wrong with that headline. First of all, let us just assume it is true. I mean she did give an interview to Health Magazine where she said it. But, as we know, saying it doesn’t necessarily make it true.

I don’t think she mows her lawn naked or not. I also think if she ever did mow her lawn that perhaps doing it naked is not the best way to go. Grass gets everywhere when you mow. The last thing I want to do is mow the yard, but if I am forced to, I wouldn’t want to be picking grass out of all my body orifices all week. Plus, when you wear clothes it provides a certain measure of protection. Yes, I’m talking about the rocks that invariably ended up smacking me right in the peen. Obviously she doesn’t have one. Well, I say obviously, but since I have never seen her naked and you haven’t either, she might have one. Who knows?

She also says she gardens naked and only swims naked and does everything she can naked. “It probably started when I was doing my garden the first time. I’d be out there, and it would be scorching hot, so I would take off all of my clothes and garden. And then I would jump in the pool and swim - and I always get in the pool naked, because why would you want to put on a bathing suit?”

But, don’t think she is a nudist. She is very shy about her body and doesn’t want anyone to see it. Uh huh.

Since Kirsten Dunst went to rehab early last year she has been doing pretty good. I define pretty good as staying the hell out of the pap lenses making a fool out of yourself. She has done that. There have been some slips and Radar and The National Enquirer (same company) are both reporting that Kirsten was slamming double vodkas down at The Roosevelt Hotel while she was celebrating her brother’s birthday.

Here is my take on this. I think Kirsten went to rehab for something far more serious than booze. She was an effed up mess before she went to rehab and since then has been normal and has looked healthy. If booze is not what she had a problem with and it is not her trigger for whatever else she might have been taking, then is it ok for her to booze it up?

If you will remember, right before she went to rehab you never saw her sober, and she always looked skinny and not healthy and was basically partying non stop 24/7 (see photo above).

I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt. She has been caught drinking before since leaving rehab and she hasn’t gone off the deep end.

Now that Ryan O’Neal is running out of ways to exploit the death of Farrah Fawcett, he has set his eyes on his son. According to In Touch, Redmond O’Neal has signed a deal for his own reality show. The show will commence filming in four months when Redmond gets out of prison. It will focus on his efforts to stay clean. I hope he does great, but I am not holding my breath or anything.

So, how did this deal get done? Ryan made all the arrangements for his son. I’m sure he is acting as manager for his son and taking a nice big cut of the money, plus he will probably tell Redmond that he should watch over it since it might lead to temptation for Redmond having that much money. Of course knowing Ryan loves his drugs as much as Redmond maybe they should just let Tatum handle it all.

No word on whether Ryan and Redmond will agree to do drugs together on the show.

It is not often that you hear a judge admit they read gossip, but yesterday the judge in the Chris Brown case did just that. You have to love a judge who reads the tabloids or gossip sites. Hello Judge Schnegg if you are reading.

For the past couple of months it seemed to me that Chris Brown and Rihanna have been trying to get back together. They kept showing up at the same places, including hotels and Rihanna’s lawyer had made it perfectly clear that Rihanna wanted the stay away order to go away because she wanted to be able to hang out with Chris. I honestly expected the judge to go ahead and make it so they could be together. I was going to be dismayed because I think staying away was the best way to keep her safe.

To my surprise, the judge also wanted to keep Rihanna safe, and she knew they had been sneaky. How? She reads gossip. “I’m not immune to any chatter on the airwaves. Do you understand, Mr. Brown, that any violation of this order is a violation of your probation and it comes with the possible penalty of prison?”

Judging by the report which was released about this incident but also two other incidents involving the couple this was the best way to go. In November, while in Europe Rihanna slapped Chris Brown. He then shoved her into a wall. Three weeks before the incident which got arrested, the couple was in Barbados. They got into an argument in a car. Brown got out of the car and smashed the passenger and driver’s side windows.

Oh, and after the beating where Brown got arrested it took him nine days before he apologized. He did it by text.

Candy Spelling is getting her very own television show. In an interview she gave to Radar Online she said that she would be getting her own television show but that she really couldn’t talk about it much because it is top secret. Uh huh. Yeah, it is right up there with the nuclear codes. Although Candy has consistently bad mouthed Tori Spelling for her show and exploiting her two kids by using them as props, Candy sees no issues starring on her own show. Why? “The show will be scripted. I wouldn’t do a reality show.”

Oh, burn on Tori. Yes, because Candy was married to the man who brought us such wonderful writing as The Love Boat Candy wouldn’t stoop low enough to do reality. Of course just because it is reality doesn’t mean it isn’t scripted. Hello The Hills.

I guess she means like an actual real show. You know it will probably be about a woman who was married to a legend and has an evil daughter and a son you never see. Each week Candy will break away long enough from staring at her jewels and living alone in her $45M home to save the world from destruction.

Have you been following the auction on eBay where the woman was trying to sell the crypt above Marilyn Monroe so she could pay off her mortgage? Well, it ended yesterday and the winning bid was $4.6M. That’s right. Someone was willing to pay many millions of dollars just so their coffin could be on top of Marilyn’s coffin for all eternity. Oh, or until their family member needs a couple of bucks.

The way the story goes is this. Back in the day when Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn were married, they bought burial spots on top of each other. I guess maybe people did that back then or it was an additional place people could register for wedding gifts. Anyway, when Joe and Marilyn were divorcing I guess Joe didn’t want anything to do with her ever again and sold his spot to Elsie Poncher’s husband who also bought the one diagonal to Marilyn for his wife. Eternal 3some anyone?

Marilyn died and then Elsie’s husband died at the age of 81 back in 1986. It is now 23 years later so I’m guessing Elsie’s husband liked them young, or Elsie is really, really old.

Elsie’s husband’s body is face down so he can stare at Marilyn. He will now be moved to the diagonal spot, and Elsie will be cremated when she dies.

So, if you are the family of the person who just bought this crypt, aren’t you going to sell the spot immediately after the person dies? You think they would respect the wishes of the dead, but someone is going to respect almost $5M a lot more.

A reader named Sue e-mailed me an interesting theory as to who the winning bidder was. Back in 2007, Howard K Stern looked into the possibility of Anna Nicole Smith being buried next to Marilyn but couldn’t convince anyone to move. Maybe her Estate bought the spot and now it will be Anna, Marilyn and Hef (spot next to Marilyn) with Elsie’s husband watching it all.

There really is no way anymore that I can read or type the word rehab without thinking of the Amy Winehouse song. Well, presumably Melanie Griffith didn’t tell Antonio Banderas, “no, no, no” because she has checked herself into rehab and will be there for the foreseeable future.

Oh, this isn’t because she is addicted to any type of drug or dependent on alcohol or anything like that. Nope. According to what is possibly the best spin on rehab ever, her spokeperson said, “She is there to reinforce her commitment to stay healthy. This is part of a routine plan that was designed between her and her doctors years ago.”

Much like the rest of us who go to the doctor once a year and the dentist twice a yer, Melanie has planned all this in advance. It is probably like clockwork. Next August while her family vacations somewhere, Melanie will once again check into rehab. Last year it was in one place and this year it is in Utah. Some people like to stay at all the golf resorts in the world and Melanie has a goal to stay at all the rehab facilities in the world. “Oooh, this one has yoga during the meetings. Is that downward facing dog? Hi, I’m Melanie and I’m an alcoholic.”

Last year Melanie and her daughter Dakota Johnson tried this as a mother daughter event to spend some quality time together and reinforce their commitment to being a great family, but Dakota didn’t need that reinforcement this year so Melanie is on her own. Maybe she could give Ryan O’Neal a call. He could probably use a good month of getting healthy. Redmond could go as well and join in when Ryan needs a breather.

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