Paris Hilton chatted up Fergie (above) during the Vanity Fair & Krug dinner party at L.A.’s Chateau Marmont, grilling the singer for details of her recent wedding and honeymoon. But as soon as Fergie Ferg walked away, the celebutard sniped to sister Nicky, “Ha — my engagement ring was bigger!” Yeah, Paris, but which one of you is actually married?

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IT’S enough to make anyone’s stiff upper lip quiver.

Famously reserved “Monty Python” star John Cleese has had a messy breakup with a blabbermouth blonde who he claims lied to him about her age and revealed embarrassing details about his hair plugs, “nice package” and intensive anti-aging regimen.

The startling revelations have blindsided Cleese, 69, who’s kept a low profile ever since “A Fish Called Wanda” (1988).

It all started last year when the gray-haired actor was photographed canoodling with Barbie Orr - an obscure California comic, The Post’s Jennifer Fermino reports. Then, last month, she gave an interview to Britain’s Mirror newspaper at the much older Cleese’s expense.

“I can’t get into what he really looks like naked, but for an old guy, you know, they’re normally saggy down there, but he really has a nice package,” Orr told the Mirror.

She revealed that Cleese took multi-vitamins to stay in shape, had his teeth fixed, and got hair plugs to cover his bald spots.

Throughout the article, Orr, described as a “27-year-old,” repeatedly pokes fun at her ex-lover: “I won’t have to break up with him and break his heart. I just have to go to his funeral,” she crowed.

Cleese was not amused and immediately ended their three-month relationship via a text message. It was later revealed that Orr, who’d told Cleese that she was 35, was actually 45.

“When you realize someone has treated you like that, you can never trust them again,” Cleese told Hello! magazine.

Orr begged reporters to keep her true age a secret. “This will be career suicide for me if you print that. Please leave out my age - age is a huge thing to pass. It stays forever. I am a quiet, cheerful, fun person,” she told London’s Daily Mail on Jan. 24. “Print 35 if that makes them feel better . . . but not 45!”

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The Aussie songbird and her hubby, John Easterling, have been sued by owners of a 4,500-square-foot home in Tequesta after Newton-John walked away from the deal. But her lawyer says the Floridians blew it by not getting their bank to grant approval for the short sale - moving the house at a loss. “When the seller couldn’t close, my people lost interest,” said attorney Bob Hacknay.

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A MEDICAL emergency halted taping of “The Tyra Banks Show” the other day as “Slumdog Millionaire” stars Dev Patel and Freida Pinto (above) were about to go on. “A young woman in the audience went into a seizure and started convulsing. Paramedics rushed to the scene and began working on her,” a source tells us. “She recovered and wanted to stay, but the paramedics insisted she go to the hospital. Dev and Freida felt so bad, they signed a copy of the ‘Slumdog’ soundtrack and had it slipped to her as the ambulance sped off.”

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Holy hornet’s nest, Batman! The New Mexico governor’s mansion?

Fresh from the inauguration, actor Val Kilmer is pondering running for governor in 2010, when Democrat Bill Richardson’s second term ends.

“I’m just looking for ways to be contributive,” Kilmer told The Associated Press on Thursday. “And if that ends up being where I can make a substantial contribution, then I’ll run.”

But there’s no decision yet.

“It’s really day to day,” he said over tea at a local restaurant.

Kilmer, 49, grew up in Los Angeles but has called New Mexico home for more than two decades. He’s currently registered as a Democrat and said he cast a ballot for Barack Obama from Bulgaria, where he was filming.

A Kilmer candidacy could throw a monkey wrench into the well-oiled Democratic machine of Lt. Gov. Diane Denish, who’s already running for the job.

Kilmer’s screen credits include Batman in “Batman Forever” in 1995, brash fighter pilot Lt. Tom ‘Iceman’ Kazansky in the 1986 hit “Top Gun,” and rock icon Jim Morrison in the 1991 Oliver Stone film, “The Doors.”

Kilmer said if he ran it wouldn’t have to be a conventional campaign. While the actor decides, he’s getting out and about and has been listening to people - something he says he’s pretty good at.

“What I do for a living is listen,” he said, making a bold prediction: “If I run, I’m going to be the next governor.”

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Angelina Jolie, a Hollywood star deeply involved in the plight of refugees, has called on the Thai government to respect the human rights of Myanmar’s Rohinyga boat people whom Thai authorities have pushed out to sea in recent weeks, a U.N. spokeswoman said Friday.

Jolie and her partner, Brad Pitt, are on a visit to Thailand, where on Wednesday they toured one of several camps along the Thai-Myanmar border sheltering refugees from Myanmar’s military regime.

U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees spokeswoman Kitt McKinsey told AP Television News that it was a coincidence that Jolie’s visit came just as the plight of the Rohingyas was catching world attention.

The Rohingya, denied citizenship in their native land, have been trying to land in Thailand after treacherous sea journeys only to be towed back to sea and cast adrift by the Thai Navy. Indian officials, who rescued some, believe hundreds perished.

“She was extremely touched by the plight of the Rohingya people. She expressed the hope that the human rights of the Rohingya people will be respected just as the human rights of everyone in the world should be respected,” McKinsey said.

“I also hope the Rohingya situation stabilizes and their life in Myanmar improves so the people do not feel the desperate need to flee, especially considering how dangerous their journey has become,” Jolie was earlier quoted as saying.

The Rohingya, from western Myanmar, represent just a part of Myanmar’s refugee exodus.

For decades, hundreds of thousands of others - most from other ethnic minorities - have fled by land across the country’s eastern border to Thailand.

Most are civilians caught up in fighting between Myanmar government troops and ethnic insurgents. Many flee to Thai refugee camps, where they remain for years with little chance of resettlement in third countries.

On Wednesday, Jolie slapped a bright blue U.N. baseball cap on her head and toured the bamboo huts of the Ban Mai Nai Soi camp, home to 18,111 mainly ethnic Karenni refugees, just two miles (three kilometers) from the Myanmar border, near the northern Thai town of Mae Hong Son.

There are between 116,000 and 135,000 refugees at camps along the border.

Jolie, 33, sat down in a two-room house on stilts and talked with a female refugee, according to an account of the visit given Thursday in a press release by the U.N. refugee agency.

Jolie asked one 26-year-old woman, Pan Sein, whether she was afraid when she made her perilous journey last year from her home village in Myanmar’s Kayah State.

“Yes, I was scared,” Pan Sein replied. “It was dangerous to flee, but even more dangerous to stay in my village.”

This was Jolie’s third visit to Thailand to meet with refugees and her mission has taken her to more than 20 countries to comfort the unwanted.

“I was saddened to meet a 21-year-old woman who was born in a refugee camp, who has never even been out of the camp and is now raising her own child in a camp,” Jolie said.

Thailand recognizes most at the border camps as refugees with legitimate fear of returning to their homeland, but does not accord the Muslim Rohingyas the same status, and seeks to send them away.

“Visiting Ban Mai Nai Soi and seeing how hospitable Thailand has been to 111,000 mostly Karen and Karenni refugees over the years makes me hope that Thailand will be just as generous to the Rohingya refugees who are now arriving on their shores,” Jolie said.

McKinsey said the couple arrived in Thailand by private jet and were now on “private time.” She said she did not know when they would leave the country.

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Renee Zellweger showed a great sense of humour yesterday as she spoofed her role in Bridget Jones by donning a fat suit during a bizarre awards ceremony .

The actress smiled and laughed while parading about in the bulky flesh-coloured outfit as she was honored as the Hasty Pudding Theatricals woman of the year in Harvard, Massachusetts.

The 39-year-old famously put on two stone to play the much loved character in the 2001 film based on Helen Fielding’s novel.

She looked to be having the time of her life as she danced with a number of drag queens who grabbed at the suit - which had a black Bridget-style bra sewn to its front.

Miss Zellweger then rode around Harvard Square in the back of a silver convertible to the delight of fans.

She waved to spectators who braved frigid temperatures and signed a few autographs, all the while capturing the event on her mobile phone camera.

Hasty Pudding is the nation’s oldest undergraduate drama troupe. By tradition, many of its male members wear women’s clothes for the parade — one came dressed in a gold, sparkly dress.

Later she turned the teasing back on her hosts, calling the pudding pot she received ‘the nicest doorstop I’ve ever had.’

‘I have always had great faith that no matter the state of the union, that America’s future was sound so long as Harvard continued to deliver us her brightest and best,’ she said.

‘And after what I have experienced and witnessed today, I can tell you that I’m going to really have to re-think all that.’

Miss Zellweger won a supporting-actress Oscar for the 2003 film Cold Mountain.

James Franco will be honored as the Hasty Pudding Man of the Year next week.

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Say it isn’t so! ‘Fast and the Furious’ hunk Paul Walker, 35, popped the question to his 19 year-old girlfriend Jasmine Pilchard-Gosnell over the holidays.

Star magazine reports, “Paul is very happy.” The insider added that although Paul started dating Jasmine when she was just 16, “their age difference doesn’t scare him. He knows she’s the one.”

Uh 16? He was literally twice her age when they started dating! Isn’t that illegal?

Luckily (for us) they aren’t rushing to the altar, the insider reveals. “They’ll take their time to do things the way they like.”

It’s hard enough to accept that he’s taken, a quickie wedding would be too much to deal with. Apparently the couple can’t wait to have kids though.

Paul already has a nine-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. It’s going to be so hard to let go!

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