Look, I have already done my rant about sex in a toilet stall, and so I’m not going to do it again, but is at the top of everyone’s fantasy list? I mean let me know, please. I ask this because The Sun released some sex letters that Blaaaaaaaaaaake wrote to some other woman in prison who he has never met. They are calling him a cheater. Whatever. If my wife was outside the prison walls screwing everyone who knocked on her door, then I don’t know how horrible I would feel about writing dirty letters to a woman the next prison over. Plus, according to one of the letters, Blaaaaaaaaaake says he and Amy are in an open relationship. I know, I know, all guys say that just like all guys say they are about to get divorced, and just haven;t stopped sleeping at home or in the same bed with the wife yet. But, in this case, I guess Amy was the one who actually wanted the open relationship. Whatever. That isn’t why I brought you here today.

The Sun has been kind enough to go through all the letters and just pick out the dirtiest parts. Wouldn’t want to waste Canada Day searching for porn, we wanted it handed to us.

“I’ll bend you all over the place, with my hand round your throat.”

Uh huh.

Then in another one he talks about after he gets out of jail he wants to have sex with the woman in a restaurant toilet. Why? Is this something he seriously sits around jail thinking? God, when I get out of this tiny, cramped, horrible cell, the first thing I want to do is go have sex in a toilet at a restaurant. Beds? Hell no. I want a dirty restroom stall.

Maybe I’m just not cut out for sex fantasies or something. I don’t know. Maybe it is just that he does so many drugs, a bathroom stall feels like home to him. There must be some reason.

Oh, by the way, here is the description of what Blaaaaaaake considers the perfect woman.

“I just want a loyal sweet, staunch, slutty girlfriend.”

Hey, just the thing to bring a smile to mom’s face at the holidays.

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